


It's going to be okay

by tchouby



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:32:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tchouby/pseuds/tchouby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the fight with Kylo Ren, Finn is coping with being his newself and letting go of FN-2187. But being Finn is bigger than he ever thought it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's going to be okay

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to explore Finn's head for a little while. I just had to after seeing the movie.

Rey is gone.  
Poe is missing

Rey is gone, Poe is missing, and Finn is alone again. The medbay is quiet, except for his loud breathing. He can still feel the phantom pain of the wound on his back. What really hurts though, is the emptiness he feels. Because FN-2187 is alone again. 

It's funny how quickly one gets used to have people around, and it's funny how quickly one gets used to caring for others. If FN-2187 knew how interpersonal relationships worked, he would have known that it is normal to get attached to the one who named you and those who you have shared adventures with. But FN-2187 hasn't been Finn for long, so he doesn't know, but he deeply hurts. 

Right now, there's a hole in him that was filled by their presence, a hole that used to be there when he was FN-2187. A gap in his identity, a question that had yet to have an answer when he was but only a number in a sea of stormtroopers. Back at that time, FN-2187 knew he was different. He hadn't wanted to hurt people in the name of the First Order and that's why he ran at the first occasion. 

Without a name, but with a new purpose, FN-2187 did the only thing he could think of and saved the incredibly stupidly courageous pilot. He had wanted to find an escape route, but what he truly found was a new life, his first friend and himself. It's funny sometimes how life works in mysterious ways. How you find what you didn't know you were looking for. How you catch yourself caring for things you didn't know you could even care about. Finn was new at helping others and friendship, but he managed. Sure he hadn't been the bravest man, but to be fair, he hadn't been Finn for that long. And who knew how Finn truly was ?   
Turns out Finn is a pretty big deal. He cares and fights. Sometimes he runs away, but ultimately he comes back. He stands up for his friends even when he is scared. And turns out Finn is not FN-2187 at all in the end. He is much more than that.

But right now, there's a hole in him. 

He scans the room quickly, looking for, something. He doesn't even know what anymore. Rey is gone, Poe is missing, and Finn hurts.   
Poe told him that Rey left to find Luke Skywalker when he woke up. He thinks it's good. No not good. Amazing ! Because Rey is strong and she needs to train that strength, transformed it into a quiet force able to shape the world as it should be.   
It's amazing, but it's lonely. With that, a part of Finn is gone. Gone with her, at the end of the galaxy. The hole in Finn wants to be filled because it stayed empty for too long. Except, Poe is missing. Stupid, handsome, caring and dashing Poe is missing. FN-2187, no, Finn, doesn't know how to cope with this emptiness.

He grabs his shirt, twists the fabric between his hands, bites his lips.   
He wishes he had Poe's jacket with him.

Minutes pass, Finn is still breathing loudly, the medbay is still empty, and there's still something in him that hurts. 

He closes his eyes, and maybe he drifts into a quiet sleep. He doesn't know, but after a while he hears a soft rustle beside him. And after a while he can feel a soft smile beside him. Fortunately, only moments later he hears a gentle:  
'' Hey handsome.'' 

Finn opens his eyes, and Poe is there, and FN-2187 is definitely gone.   
All there is left is a hole that's being filled with Poe's smiles. And Finn thinks it's going to be okay. He thinks that becoming Finn is the luckiest thing that could ever had happened to him. 

Rey is gone, but Poe is here.  
and it's going to be okay

It's going to be okay.


End file.
